So, I’ve Been Meaning To…

…catch up with all of you.  Apparently I have been meaning to do that for 75 days at this point.  Seventy-five days.  That is just insane.

My life has been pretty busy.  I feel like it is busier than normal even.  My abridged version:

1. My knees (more so my left) are killing me.  I mean serious pain…constant pain…the kind of pain that makes you walk up the stairs like a two-year-old griping the rail for dear life.

2. My weight continues to hold steady…around 190 to 193 pounds.  I saw one glimpse of 189.8 on the scale…then the very next day I was back to 192.  Infuriating.

3. I am training with Aaron steadily these days.  Things did not “end” well with Denise, unfortunately, and I am missing her like crazy.  I will always be grateful to her for getting my through some of the toughest months in my journey and being ridiculously supportive even when I was whining like a baby.

4. I went back to college.  I had graduated in January with an Associate degree.  Currently I am working toward a Bachelor’s in Health Sciences (Health & Wellness).  This is pretty exciting…and also makes me very busy.  Should I actually be able to make myself blog on any kind of regular basis, I will have all kinds of good/fascinating information to share with you all!

5. I am getting stronger.  A lot stronger.  A military push-up (one in which you keep your elbows tucked neatly next to your torso instead of flaring them out at a 45-degree angle) was something that eluded me…and annoyed me.  However, I am happy to say I can do them!  Not a ton of them, but still I can…and in perfect form!  This was a major victory for me…strange, I know.

6. My right elbow cannot behave for any length of time.  I was diagnosed with tendonitis in it a couple months ago.  I iced it, rested it, and took Ibuprofen.  It felt better, so I did upper body with Aaron and then it was mad at me again.  Then, repeat…and again…and again.  Every time I give it a week or two off, it feels great.  However, as soon as I do any pushing or pulling…WHAM-O! It is killing me all over again.  Also frustrating.

7. Friday marked my third Ortho-Visc injection (second set) in both knees.  Friday and Saturday were *rough* (to say the least), but today they seem to be feeling a little better.  Hopefully this means I will have some time to work on them.

8. I have decided to write a book…after *lots* of urging from friends, family, and acquaintances.  Personally, I think the idea of writing a book all about me is egotistical.  Other people; however, seem to think it would be beneficial and inspirational to those who would want to read a book all about me.  So, as part of my submission, I will be doing a photo shoot on Jan 5 & 6th.  Aaron, Dorsey, Chris, and others from Fitworks will be joining me for the shoot.  Honestly, I doubt I could pull it off without them (as I plan to hide behind them as much as possible – tee hee).

9. I still struggle with body image…and loving myself.  That has not changed much, if at all.  I have a difficult time seeing how far I have come more than how much further I have left to travel.  I think not seeing the scale move for a couple months compounds this issue…at least for me anyway.  I am actively working on this, though.  Some texts I have to read for school may help: Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert is one I am reading right now.

10. I still struggle with making good food choices.  Not every single day, but in times of great stress I still find myself considering things I should not.  I will spare you the details, but let me just admit that I had an internal debate with myself for about an hour over Junior Mints (whether or not to buy them).  I will also say that on that day in particular, no Junior Mints came home with me.  On that day.

11. Cardio is hard…with these knees…which has a lot to do with the scale not moving, I am sure.  It should get easier once this Ortho-Visc “kicks in” to help alleviate some of the discomfort in my joints.

12. I need to count calories, but find it too damn annoying…and slightly depressing.  I hate counting calories.  I really do.  Aaron keeps telling me I need to (since I am not losing weight easily anymore), and I know he is right.  However, counting calories either makes me feel super fat or starving.  No happy medium.  Crazy, I know.

Well, I am sure I missed some things, but that is a general update of how things have been going, and what I am up to right now.  It is my honest intention to keep on blogging…regularly…so, hopefully I will be “seeing” you again later this week.

How have you been holding up?
-Erica

It’s A Process…Here’s Some Progress

Facial comparison – May 2011 to August 2012

So, I have been taking pictures today.  I try to take progress pictures at least every other month (probably should have done monthly, but oh well).  Of course, I am late (nearly a month late at this point).  At least I am getting to them now, though.

I still hate taking pictures of myself.  I still think I look strange in photographs…and that I probably just should not be in them.  This is something I really have to work on.  Not that I want to be one of those folks who takes pictures of themselves every day, but I would love to be alright with my picture being taken.  Maybe someday, right?

I busted out the pants today…

Side Comparison – November 2011 to August 2012

I can definitely see some changes taking place even between May and August.  That makes me feel good since the numbers are not always working in my favor…at least this proves other things are still happening (such as building muscle which is replacing some of that fat).  This helps me feel better about losing only 14 pounds in those nearly three months.  Ick.

Here is something interesting…

I am almost half the gal I used to be…so close.

Once I dipped below the 200-pound-mark, I knew I was officially thinner than I had ever been as an adult.  However, rummaging through my basement proved something else to me:

My senior pictures – age 17

I am actually thinner than I was in high school!  Those are two of my senior picture proofs…look how puffy my poor face is!  I honestly cannot believe it.  I did not realize I was already *that* big in high school.  Wish I could have the kind of confidence I had back then…since I know I now look *so* much better.  Ironic, isn’t it?

Do you take progress pictures?  If so, how often do you take them?

-Erica

Weigh Day (week thirty)

Thirty weeks.  Seven months (only 5 days shy).  What a journey this has been so far.  I have come so far already…and, yet, I feel like I have so much further to go.  Although, as fast as these 30 weeks have gone, I have no doubt the next 30 will fly by in seemingly no time at all.  I am very excited to see what milestones and accomplishments I will have to speak of by that point.

I would like to say I am bubbling over with happiness and excitement today, but I am not.  Actually, I am feeling a blue this evening.  I had a great workout with Denise today, and I did some new things with her (which challenged me in new ways).  I did my first “real” pushup today (not the girlie ones on my knees)…it was *not* pretty, but I did it…and then many more after it.  I did burpees, actually, which require pushups as part of the move.  I also jumped rope…okay, more like skipped rope, but I did it.  Again, it was not pretty, and I still need *so* much more practice to be “successful.”

Despite that, my weigh in this morning has me a little bent out of shape.  The scale was all over the place this morning.  Okay, so something strange…I weigh myself (a minimum of) three times every time I do it.  Why?  Well, because depending on where you stand on the scale, you get different readings…or at least I usually do.  So, what I do is step on the scale and then again, and then again.  If the number matches all three times, that is my weight.  If the number does not match, I weigh myself until I get three identical readings.  Usually, the numbers are so close (like within 0.4 pounds)…not this morning.  I had weights from as little 235.X all the way up to 239.0.  I was so frustrated and wanted desperately to curse the stupid thing out.  Instead, I took a deep breath and keep stepping on.  Eventually, I got my three identical readings…

238.2

That is *one* pound down from last week.  O-N-E.  That is two weeks in a row that I have only dropped *one* pound.  I am beginning to feel frustrated with that.  I know I probably should not get that caught up in the numbers, but I do.  The numbers, after all, is what is primarily driving me these days because I still have that ridiculous *disconnect* clouding my perception of progress when I look at myself.  If I could *see* the changes as clearly as everyone else, maybe I would not be so hung up on the numbers.  Maybe.  It is still a loss, though, so I guess I cannot dwell on it too terribly long.  Sigh.

Denise measured me today at the gym.  Here is how it went:

Neck = 14″ / 14″
Shoulders = 54″ / 45.2″
Arms = 19″ (L) and 19″ (R) / 16.5″ (L) and 16.5″ (R)
Bust = 54.5″ / 48.2″
Waist = 48″ (N) and 52″ (B) /  35.5″ (N) and 40″ (B)
Hips = 58.75″ / 51″
Thighs = 37″ (L) and 37.5″ (R) / 27.7″ (L) and 28″ (R)
Calves = 20.5 (L) and 21″ (R) / 17.2″ (L) and 18.2″ (R)
original measurement / current measurement

That is a total of 77.25 inches and 76.8 pounds lost in 30 weeks.  That is not too shabby, right?  So, what is up with me not feeling happy about that?!  Maybe I am in some sort of emotional funk today…who knows.

Here is another thing…
My BMI when I began (at 315 lbs.) was 49.33.
Today my BMI was 37.3.

I am thinking that I need to switch up something on the food front.  I have no idea what I am going to do exactly because I do not have a “quick fix” in that arena.  (Meaning, I do not drink soda – even diet. I do not eat sweets – ever. I do not drink alcohol. I do not eat chips or anything “snacky” like that.)  So, I apparently have some research ahead of me to try and figure out how I can shake things up in my diet to see if I can get the scale moving again.  Any thoughts or ideas on that?

GOAL TRACKER:
20 days
13.2 pounds
(I think it’s safe to call this one unattainable at this point.)

-Erica

Those Pants…and Me

November 20, 2011

Well, there they are…those pants.  My {former} favorite pants.  They were *so* comfy and I wore them any chance I got.

 

Today, of course, they are less than comfy.  They are certainly *not* my favorite pants anymore…and I will *never* wear them again (other than for this kind of purpose, of course).

 

This photo was taken one day shy of two months ago.  At that point I had lost 50 pounds and I was feeling pretty happy with my progress.  I will be honest, though, I am not sure I thought I would be sitting here two months later and nearly 25 pounds thinner than that moment.  I still find it crazy…really.  As of this morning I am down 73.4 pounds.  Which is wonderful, crazy, and probably the third most exciting thing that has ever happened to me (next to my two beautiful chicklets).

 

So, with that being said…and a little gentle hounding from some of my Facebook buddies, I decided I should probably take some new photos in those pants.  Just to see how different they look on me today.  Now, we all know I am a total weirdo… So, even though I know the numbers have changed pretty dramatically, I was not really expecting to see much of a difference in these pictures.  I think I was wrong.

 

I should also mention I bought this shirt probably four years ago and was not able to even *dream* about putting it on.  I still would not wear it outside, but it certainly fits.  How exciting is that?!

 

This is where I see the most difference in between today and November 20th.  My chin looks thinner…and I can actually tell my tush is smaller.  Go figure!  I think this kind of thing is what is going to push the kibosh on that weird disconnect I seem to be struggling with.  I am truly astounded just trying to think of how tight these pants once were on me.  Amazing.

 

Just to finish off this post…here’s a comparison shot of November 20 and today:

 

I must admit…I am excited to see what those pants are going to look like on me in two *more* months. I actually tried standing in one leg of them today…and I can just about make it. My guess/prediction is in two months I will be showing you guys a picture of me completely fitting in one leg of those suckers!

What a fabulous day this is…How is yours going?

-Erica

My {former} Favorite Cords

So, over the last few days I have really been struggling with the changes my body is going through.  Apparently, I am not alone.  Of course, everyone struggles with different aspects of change, and everyone handles these struggles differently.

I regret not having pictures of myself when I began my journey 50+ pounds ago.  However, I am making a promise to myself that I will begin taking pictures from here on out (if nothing else, for comparison purposes…and to avoid this strange “disconnect” I am experiencing now).

Years ago I purchased a really fabulous (and huge) pair of brown corduroy pants.  They were wide legged and comfy.  When I first bought them they fit perfectly.  Over the years; however, I “grew” out of them.  I could usually still get them up, but to button them was a challenging task.

These pants were in my “must get rid of” pile in my dining room right now.  I have already “purged” two sets of clothes before this group.  That is one thing I promised myself early in the game: I would *not* hold on to my “fat” clothes “just in case” because this time there would be *NO* turning back/giving up.  No way.

So, today I decided to take pictures of myself in these former favorite pants:

Yes, that is *two* arms in those pants with me. Without the crotch, the waist in these pants *might* just fit over my shoulders!

As if that was not crazy enough for me:

I would say they are substantially bigger than me now, which is why they were to be given/thrown away.

I also feel compelled to mention that these were *not* my largest pair of pants. These are a size 24. I already purged all my 26 and 28 pants. So, I cannot even imagine what *those* would look like on me now! I might actually hang on to these cords now. Not “just in case,” but for these purposes. As I lose more weight, I might enjoy seeing both of my legs fit into one pant leg of these (which is not all that far away – I tried today).

This is certainly undeniable proof of progress. Maybe if I stare at these pictures long enough it will sink in. 🙂

-Erica

Notice Any Differences?

May 23, 2011

 This girl right here…well, that’s me.  Well, that *used* to be me.  I was at my uncle’s house with my chicklets having a good time in the pool.  Notice that I am not wet…yeah, that’s because I did not want to take my shirt and shorts off.  Why?  Well, because I knew I was fat, and I was extremely uncomfortable in my own body.  Even though I was with family, I was still so self-conscious about my body.  I hated it.  Funny thing – I still ate probably twice (or even three times) as much food that day as I should have.  Go figure.

Next comes me in July.  I was already losing weight, but I had not started blogging just yet.  That came just a few days after this picture was taken, though.  Here I am guessing I had lost a pound…maybe two.

July 5, 2011

The only thing I am loving about that picture is my really awesome lime green hair with purple and hot pink streaks. Honestly.  Notice the slight double chin and the really “puffy” cheeks.  I even appear to be developing neck fat rolls.  Ick.

So, where am I now?  Here:

November 20, 2011

Okay, so can you see any differences because I am struggling. So many people tell me my face looks *much* thinner, but I fail to recognize what in the world they see (or are they just being really nice?). I can see a *slight* change in maybe the size of those neck fat rolls…and maybe a little less of a double chin.  What do you think?  Can you tell the difference?

-Erica