So, I’ve Been Meaning To…

…catch up with all of you.  Apparently I have been meaning to do that for 75 days at this point.  Seventy-five days.  That is just insane.

My life has been pretty busy.  I feel like it is busier than normal even.  My abridged version:

1. My knees (more so my left) are killing me.  I mean serious pain…constant pain…the kind of pain that makes you walk up the stairs like a two-year-old griping the rail for dear life.

2. My weight continues to hold steady…around 190 to 193 pounds.  I saw one glimpse of 189.8 on the scale…then the very next day I was back to 192.  Infuriating.

3. I am training with Aaron steadily these days.  Things did not “end” well with Denise, unfortunately, and I am missing her like crazy.  I will always be grateful to her for getting my through some of the toughest months in my journey and being ridiculously supportive even when I was whining like a baby.

4. I went back to college.  I had graduated in January with an Associate degree.  Currently I am working toward a Bachelor’s in Health Sciences (Health & Wellness).  This is pretty exciting…and also makes me very busy.  Should I actually be able to make myself blog on any kind of regular basis, I will have all kinds of good/fascinating information to share with you all!

5. I am getting stronger.  A lot stronger.  A military push-up (one in which you keep your elbows tucked neatly next to your torso instead of flaring them out at a 45-degree angle) was something that eluded me…and annoyed me.  However, I am happy to say I can do them!  Not a ton of them, but still I can…and in perfect form!  This was a major victory for me…strange, I know.

6. My right elbow cannot behave for any length of time.  I was diagnosed with tendonitis in it a couple months ago.  I iced it, rested it, and took Ibuprofen.  It felt better, so I did upper body with Aaron and then it was mad at me again.  Then, repeat…and again…and again.  Every time I give it a week or two off, it feels great.  However, as soon as I do any pushing or pulling…WHAM-O! It is killing me all over again.  Also frustrating.

7. Friday marked my third Ortho-Visc injection (second set) in both knees.  Friday and Saturday were *rough* (to say the least), but today they seem to be feeling a little better.  Hopefully this means I will have some time to work on them.

8. I have decided to write a book…after *lots* of urging from friends, family, and acquaintances.  Personally, I think the idea of writing a book all about me is egotistical.  Other people; however, seem to think it would be beneficial and inspirational to those who would want to read a book all about me.  So, as part of my submission, I will be doing a photo shoot on Jan 5 & 6th.  Aaron, Dorsey, Chris, and others from Fitworks will be joining me for the shoot.  Honestly, I doubt I could pull it off without them (as I plan to hide behind them as much as possible – tee hee).

9. I still struggle with body image…and loving myself.  That has not changed much, if at all.  I have a difficult time seeing how far I have come more than how much further I have left to travel.  I think not seeing the scale move for a couple months compounds this issue…at least for me anyway.  I am actively working on this, though.  Some texts I have to read for school may help: Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert is one I am reading right now.

10. I still struggle with making good food choices.  Not every single day, but in times of great stress I still find myself considering things I should not.  I will spare you the details, but let me just admit that I had an internal debate with myself for about an hour over Junior Mints (whether or not to buy them).  I will also say that on that day in particular, no Junior Mints came home with me.  On that day.

11. Cardio is hard…with these knees…which has a lot to do with the scale not moving, I am sure.  It should get easier once this Ortho-Visc “kicks in” to help alleviate some of the discomfort in my joints.

12. I need to count calories, but find it too damn annoying…and slightly depressing.  I hate counting calories.  I really do.  Aaron keeps telling me I need to (since I am not losing weight easily anymore), and I know he is right.  However, counting calories either makes me feel super fat or starving.  No happy medium.  Crazy, I know.

Well, I am sure I missed some things, but that is a general update of how things have been going, and what I am up to right now.  It is my honest intention to keep on blogging…regularly…so, hopefully I will be “seeing” you again later this week.

How have you been holding up?
-Erica

I Am Still Alive

This ridiculously sad looking fella could not be more accurate on how I have been feeling over the last month.  Let me first say I cannot believe it has been a month since I have blogged.  How sad is that?!  I am really disappointed that I let it go that long.

The last month has been insanely challenging.  Unfortunately, the road immediately ahead does not seem to be much brighter…

My older daughter (just turned eight on Tuesday) was tentatively diagnosed with absence epilepsy.  We are scheduled to be admitted to Children’s Hospital on the 10th for a 5-day observation (video EEG).  So, we will be released on the 15th (hopefully).  They have decided that they are putting her Depakote regardless of what the testing shows in the hospital.  This medication has serious (as in life-threatening) liver implications, so I am a nervous wreck just about the medication itself.  Challenge #1.

I visited my sports med doctor on the 14th of September…just as a follow up.  However, I mentioned how much my left knee has been hurting again (despite the OrthoVisc injections done in late May)…and that my right knee had started to bother me.  Challenge #2: I was officially diagnosed with osteoarthritis in my right knee, too.  I also learned that my left knee apparently needs to be replaced.  It took me at least a week to even digest that information, honestly.  They are not going to replace it right away (I am 30 years old), so they will be giving me another round of the OrthoVisc (in both knees this time) when I am due in November.  I have no idea how much time I have until they will/must replace this knee, but it makes me extremely anxious.

To add insult to injury…they have placed me back on extreme restriction.  That means no lunging, squatting, jumping, or running.  Even the spin bike kills my left knee right now.  I am barely able to get on the Neil for even 15 minutes.  That, of course, has made cardio nearly impossible. Challenge #3.

To follow all that whining and complaining, though…I have not gained weight.  I also have not lost any.  I still go to the gym four or five days a week.  Some days I do not break a sweat, though.  I am there.  I am working.  But, I feel like I am not really accomplishing anything.  However, I came across a post on Facebook from Shonnie.  It was a picture that said, “the only bad workout is the one that didn’t happen.”  That *really* made me think about how I have not given up.  Despite all the complications and distractions, I have never stopped going to the gym.  That counts for something, right?

Shonnie helped to renew my spirit today, and she did not even mean to.  Go figure.  Inspiration comes from the most random of places…especially when you are not expecting it.

No obstacle is too great when you have the right attitude…and the right people certainly make it easier.  Thanks, Shonnie!

-Erica

Exciting Things…

So, although I have a list (literally) of things I intend to blog about within the upcoming week…this post is completely random.  Hope you do not mind.

First, let me tell you all how very excited I am about the Neil Armstrong machine at my gym.  (Okay, it really is not called the Neil Armstrong machine, but I have *no* idea what it is actually called.  And, I feel like I am walking/running on the moon when I am on it…hence the Neil Armstrong title I have given it)  Anyway, I have been hopping up on this machine all week and have progressively stayed on longer.  Monday I did 15 minutes with my girlfriend.  Tuesday I did 20 minutes (again with the girlfriend).  Wednesday I managed 40 minutes (alone), which was 3.26 miles!  Tonight I did 45 minutes, which was 3.61 miles!  This is such a big deal to me because I tried to do that machine about 50 or 60 pounds ago and simply could *not* pull it off.  I just did not have the strength and stamina to do it even for five minutes.  Excellent progress that is!

Second I went to a boutique today in search of a new hoister…er…sorry, bra.  Anyway, I walked in wearing a 38J and thinking I would probably need somewhere in the ballpark of a 36J, maybe even a K.  Guess what?!  The girl took one look at what I was wearing and said, “I’ll be back with a 34J for you to try.”  I looked at that girl like her head just flew off.  A 34?!  Are you kidding me?  So, she did…and you know what…it fit…on the tightest row of hooks!  Then the girl looks and says, “Oh, I guess you actually need a 32.  I’ll be back.”  Again – total shock and disbelief.  That one fit, too…on the loosest row of hooks, but none-the-less.  My body actually fit in a 32J.  Craziness, that is, folks.  Absolute madness!

On an even better note (in that same vein), they carry sports bras for those with “tiny” band sizes (her words, not mine) and great, big…well, you know.  Unfortunately, they were out of my band size, but they should have a shipment in later this week or early next week.  So, I am going to have an actual sports bra…and that is very exciting.  I might even be able to do an actual jumping jack (without having to hold on to my “friends” while jumping).  Awesome!

My testimonial taping is happening within the next week or so…and I am nervous!  So very nervous!  I have already ironed out what I am doing with my hair…vibrant blue in the back with streaks of yellow and lime green in the front.  I know I am going to wear all black (which I have yet to shop for a shirt that actually fits me like a shirt should, and not so much like a night shirt).  Now, I just have to iron out what in the world I am going to say!  They told me I should strive for about 15 seconds.  Well, how in the world can I say *all* I need to say about my fabulous gym and phenomenal trainer in *only* 15 seconds?!  I was rehearsing in my kitchen yesterday morning and whittled it down to about a minute and a half.  Not kidding.  I just do not feel like I can really quantify my experience in 15 seconds.  Any suggestions on that one?!

Last I want to mention that the scale was kind to me this morning.  I was down 0.8 from yesterday…so far 1 pound down for the week.  Hopefully that means with less weight lifting (per instructions from Denise – best trainer in the world) and more cardio (thank you Neil Armstrong machine)…combined with an increase in raw foods…my “plateau” is no longer.  We shall see in the morning.  I will likely keep my fingers crossed…even while sleeping.  🙂

Do you have any exciting news to share?

-Erica