Monthly Archives: April 2012

Weigh Day (week forty-two)

What an excellent week this has been…and I am looking forward to another excellent week ahead!

I spent some quality time with my chicklets, hit my 100-pound mark, spent quality time with Denise, and continued to see the scale numbers drop…closer to my next incremental goal of 199.8 (onederland)!

My week included the 3-mile loop at Sharon Woods, power yoga (not as much as I would have liked, thanks to work running over), bootcamp twice, self defense class, spin (and my poor tush can tell the tales of how horrible a design those seats have), and strength training.  All that added up to:


That is down 1.8 pounds from last week (and a total loss of 101 pounds in 42 weeks)!  I certainly have nothing to complain about!

Here is something else interesting I figured out this week.  According to my body fat percentage at last check (latter part of March), if I can gain only 4.5 pounds of lean muscle mass while losing the rest of the weight to my initial goal weight (185), I will be good to go.  My body fat percentage would then be 21%, which is perfectly acceptable (and such an improvement from my initial body fat percentage of nearly 50%!)!  I find this incredibly exciting!

One last little thing…Fitworks is having my century celebration this week (Wednesday)!  I am really moved that they are going through the trouble of celebrating this milestone with me.  My girlfriend (who is professional photographer) hopes to be able to attend, if she does I will share photos of the shebang with you all!  Should be a fabulous time!

4 weeks; 5 days
14.2 pounds


Today Is The Day

…and what a day it is, folks!  I hit that 100-pound mark this morning…actually just a touch beyond!


That puts me at a total of 100.2 pounds lost in *exactly* nine and a half months…to the day.  Absolutely INSANE in every way.  I would never have imagined coming this far so quickly!

I, of course, have worked *very* hard to get here…I have overhauled my relationship with food (big game changer).  I have reorganized my life to include activity every single day.  I have surrounded myself with people who are a positive influence and who push/inspire me to be better.  I have owned things that I never would have before (such as being addicted to food, being an emotional eater, etc.).  I have remained honest (not only with all of you, but with myself).  I have consistently worked on (and continue to do so) my mental status and have strived to put the kibosh on self sabotage/harrassment.

As much determination as I brought to the table from the very beginning, I do have to give credit to those who have been instrumental to my journey.  Denise, of course, being number one.  Without her I know I would have become frustrated (especially with all the injuries and such) and quit months ago.  I would not have been able to dig deep enough within myself to find passion for fitness and even a little self love.  She is an absolutely amazing woman (both as a trainer and just as herself) and I am truly thankful to have her in my life.

Other people who have encouraged and assisted me include Dorsey, Aaron, Ketrell, Chris, my daughters, Branden, Bill, friends, family, other members at Fitworks, all of you who read and comment with kind words, and even random people who just said the right thing at the right time.  Collectively you all have made this journey much more interesting, exciting, and achievable.

This is certainly not the end, though.  I still have 29.8 more pounds to lose (at least).  So, my next incremental goal is to make it under 200 pounds…that, my friends, is going to be one seriously exciting day!!!  I have not seen anything on the scale beginning with a one in a minimum of 13 years!!!  That will be an incredible milestone…and certainly cause for celebration!

5 weeks; 3 days
15 pounds


Weigh Day (week forty-one)

Things are down to the wire, ladies and gentlemen.  Seriously…to the wire.  I am getting so anxious I can barely stand it…and I know Denise is feeling the same anticipation I am.  How wonderful that she is so invested in my success, right?  She is not just excited for me when I am with her…she and I communicate nearly every day via text.  She is 110% invested in me, and that is an amazing feeling.  Truly something I would not have expected.

I could go on and on about Denise and all her exceptional qualities as both a trainer and just a person.  However, I should probably move on to tell you about my week:

Sunday – 3-mile loop at Sharon Woods with Denise and Branden (Denise’s trainer, folks) (17,752)

Monday – physical therapy; 35 mins with Denise; stairs with Chris; 30 mins shoulders & back with Cathie (10,072)

Tuesday – day off (somehow missed my step count, too?)

Wednesday – full fit score with Denise (CRAZINESS, folks – seriously)! (missed my step count again?)

Thursday – 15 mins of spinning; 30 mins with Neil and Chris (18,407)

Friday – physical therapy (2 hours); manual resistance training with Aaron (arms and back) (9,564)

Saturday – 1.5 hours of bootcamp with Denise (11,845)

Apparently somewhere in the middle of the week my step counts did not make it to my journal.  Not sure what happened there.  Friday was obviously a slow day for me, step-counting-wise, which is the first day in a *very* long time I did not break 10,000 steps.  I did work *extremely* hard that day, though, so I am not too terribly torn up about it.

I have to share the fit score thing with you all.  It was MADNESS at its finest.  Seriously.  The fit score test was created by Branden (Denise’s trainer) as a way to really measure both strength and endurance in such a way that is comparable to future testing.  I cannot tell you specifically how it is done (because as I said, it does belong to Branden), but I will tell you this much…  It includes EIGHT sets of pushups, squats, upright rows, burpees, and situps.  You have to complete all eight sets of all five exercises with *very little* rest between each set.  They then add up what you were able to complete and that makes up your score.  I scored 604, which they say was pretty good.  They also told me I beat an NFL player’s score.  Go figure that one!

On to this week’s weigh in (since I know you are all anxious to know, right?):


That is 2.2 pounds down from last week.  That also puts me ONLY 0.8 away from my 100-pound mark!!!  I think it is safe to assume I should be hitting that milestone at some point this week!  How very exciting!

As for today…I am getting ready to head out to Sharon Woods with my chicklets for the 3-mile nature trail.  They are excited to see what is going to be out and about today (critter-wise).

I will keep you all posted throughout the week!

5 weeks; 5 days
16 pounds


Countdown to Century: 1.6

The anticipation is just about killing me…I have to be honest.  It seems like it will take *forever* to get to the 100-pound mark.  That saying keeps popping into my mind, though, and it is pretty relevant:

“Slow and steady wins the race.”

I know it will happen for me…eventually.  The struggle that I have had with the last few pounds I have lost (really about the last 10) are preparing me for just how hard it is going to get after I pass that 100-pound mark.  The weight is not going to continue to just melt off of me.  I am going to have to crank it up to HIGH all the time to keep things moving.  I am going to have to switch things up every few days to keep this body guessing.

I also wanted to share this with you:

The last picture was taken when my chicklets and I went walking at Sharon Woods. We walked the 3-mile loop they have…and the trail is beautiful! My chicklets loved it and had a great time searching for wildlife along the way. We ended up spotting a frog, fish, ducks, 2 turtles, an inchworm, a spider, lots of squirrels, and a chipmunk. That, of course, does not include the dozens of doggies we saw trotting along with their owners.

How is your week going?  What is the goal you currently are working toward?  How close are you to obtaining that goal?


Weigh Day (week forty)

I do not know that I will ever get used to just how fast time goes.  This week has been exciting and frustrating all rolled into one.  Probably more frustrating than anything, though, if I am being totally honest.

As you all know, my doc did not have great news regarding my left knee.  However, the news got worse as I went to see the sports med docs Friday.  They gave me a cortisone shot (OUCH!!!) and want me back in therapy for the knee…and in therapy for my right hip, too!  The deal with the hip is strange.  When I started therapy for my left knee weeks ago they were showing me stretches and told me it would be wise to do them on both legs (because it is likely both are equally tight).  So, I did.  The problem?  Somehow I strained my adductor and impinged a (something) in my capsule.  This equals discomfort and pain when doing certain exercises (like squats and lunges, to name a couple).

He also gave me a brace for my knee and followed that up with: “There is not a lot of documentation that this kind of brace is really going to mean improvement for your condition.  However, try wearing it and see if it makes a difference for you.  If it does, wear it.  If it doesn’t, don’t.”  Fun, right?  So, here is an extremely uncomfortable neoprene brace that you practically have to lube up and shove your leg into…but it probably will not help.  Perfect.  I wore the stupid thing to bootcamp yesterday morning and will not be wearing it today.  I will wear it again tomorrow, and not the next.  Hopefully I will learn quickly if I feel any relief from it…and then decide if it is worth *all* the trouble to get it on and off.  Sigh.

So, aside from all that nonsense…here is what my week looked like:

Sunday – lazy day (didn’t write my steps down – shame on me!)

Monday – physical therapy (10,068)

Tuesday – back, shoulders, abs; 5 mins on the stairs with Chris; 22:30 mins on Neil with Chris (23,622)

Wednesday – 10 mins on the stairs with Chris; 35 mins with Denise (13,388)

Thursday – light legs and abs with Denise (17,349)

Friday – lights arms and back (11,090)

Saturday – 1.5 hours of bootcamp with Denise (10,052)

One truly exciting part of the week is that I have officially starting studying for my personal training certification exam.  I must admit I am really stoked about doing this…and a whole ton of nerves over the whole thing, too.  I suppose that is to be expected, though, right?

So, as for weigh in…


Ever so slowly creeping toward the 100-pound mark…and getting *so* very close!!!  That leaves me exactly THREE pounds away…and only 18.2 away from ONEderland!!!!  Words cannot describe how *that* day is going to feel – really!  I cannot remember the last time I saw *ANYTHING* on the scale that started with a ONE (I do know it was *never* as an adult, though…ever)!

6 weeks; 5 days
18.2 pounds


More On The Knee

So, at this point I have been in physical therapy for five weeks.  The first three weeks I was not allowed to jump, run, lunge, squat…pretty much any really good leg move.  I was miserable, but my knee was feeling *much* better.

The fourth week I was cleared to start lunging and squatting again.  That went just fine – still no pain in the knee.  Last Friday they added jumping into my routine.  That, unfortunately, is where things went wrong.

Friday was alright (I did two or three jumping exercises), but Monday they added even more jumping maneuvers.  Uck.  My knee hurt *so* bad Monday evening I could not even workout.  I could not walk up my stairs leading with my left leg either.  So, I looked like a toddler taking one step at a time always leading with my right leg.  Awful.

I just left my doctor’s office and the news did not get any better.  Since my knee cap is still not tracking correctly, and I still have pain with use of the knee, he is referring me to sports medicine docs.  That, in itself, is fine.  The problem is he decided to restrict me…again.  No running or jogging, and absolutely no jumping!  He really is not on board with me continuing with lunging and squatting, but I told him (which is completely true) that those moves do not irritate my knee.  So, extremely hesitantly he told me that “some light lunging and squatting could be okay” but that I should watch it and definitely not add weight to it.

Does this knee really not understand that I have goals to accomplish?!  I do not have time for this…seriously.  I hate being limited, and I hate feeling held back.  That, unfortunately, is something I have to deal with because the alternative is me damaging my knee so bad that I will require surgery.  Of course, I do not want that.

So, for now I am to avoid running, jogging, and jumping like the plague.  My doc even said it could take *months* for this to heal.  *MONTHS* – like I have that kind of time.  He added (with a lighthearted smile and chuckle) that he wants me to make it to my goal, but with the ability to walk when I get there.  🙂


Weigh Day (week thirty-nine)

Happy Easter (to those of you who celebrate)!!!

Time is seriously getting away from me.  Week 39, really?  Already?

This week has been good.  Great, really.  Physical therapy kicked it up a notch, so now I am jumping as part of my rehab.  I hate to admit it, but I am pretty stoked about that.  I cannot wait to have zero limitations set on me so that I can attack new workouts with Denise.  I know she is dying to do the same with me.

Here is what the schedule looked like for the week:

Sunday – 1 hour (or maybe a touch more) with Denise, Aaron, Ketrell, and Sarah at Sharon Woods (13,517)

Monday – physical therapy; fit score session with Denise (19,704)

Tuesday – 3+ miles of walking at Sharon Woods with my chicklets (17,536)

Wednesday – legs & abs (13,144)

Thursday – whole body with Chris (on the stairs) & Denise (14,379)

Friday – physical therapy; back & chest with Denise (13,138)

Saturday – 4 hours at the zoo with my chicklets (14,741)

I continue to make my way toward 100 pounds lost.  Honestly just typing it looks strange to me.  How unbelievable, right?  I admit that if you had asked me 39 weeks ago I would *not* have thought I would be here right now.  I would have probably told you that this journey (like all others before it) would have stalled out at some point.  Maybe I would have thought 50 pounds lost by now…maybe.

If I had to go this journey alone there would not have been enough faith – enough drive – enough belief in myself.  It is the people I have surrounded myself with that have made my journey this successful.  The fact that I have an entire network of people (including all of you reading right now) rooting for me, standing behind me, believing in me is what has pushed me this far.  I thank each and every one of you for the kind words and encouragement.

So, as for my weigh in this week:


That is 2.8 pounds down from last week.  What excellent progress!  That means I am 4.4 pounds away from 100 lost – insane!  This also means I am only 34.4 pounds away from my initial goal of 185 – unbelievable!

Denise seems to think I will hit the 100-pound mark by next weekend’s weigh in.  I am not so sure about that, but we will see.  Her serious belief makes me wonder what kind of workouts she has planned for the week though.  Maybe I should be afraid.  Although it could not *possibly* be worse than the fit score test we did on Monday.  That. Was. Brutal. Seriously.  I cannot remember the last time my arms felt so weak.  I cannot remember the last time my whole body ached in the morning.  I cannot remember the last time I worked so hard I had *no* words to say when I was working out.  Seriously, all I had were grunts and sighs.  It was fabulous!

7 weeks; 5 days
19.6 pounds

How was your week?  Did you try anything new with your workouts?


Anxiety to Perfection

So, there I am…standing in a virtual sea of chocolate, marshmallow, candy coating, cookie bits, and more.  I can feel my anxiety rising and I begin the whole internal discussion:

“Why am I feeling *so* much anxiety right now?  This is *so* much more stressful than Halloween was – and I hadn’t made this much progress then.  It should be easier now, right?”

“Hello!  We didn’t have to *buy* candy for Halloween, remember?  So, we never had to *stand* in the candy aisle and stare at all the yummy, delicious, gooey, caramel-filled…”

“Hey!  Wait!  Aren’t you supposed to be talking me *out* of this anxiety?!”

“Nope.  I’m just here so you don’t have to be alone when you’re anxious.”


So, I am pacing the aisle and feeling absolutely ridiculous.  Then what happens?  A woman walks by and leans into my shoulder with a simple whisper:

“None of this is on your diet, girl.”

I look up to find another of Denise’s clients standing there with a giant smile on her face.  What a way to bring me out of that funk, right?!  I thanked her (sincerely) and told her what crazy madness my head had cooking when she rescued me.  The whole situation reminded me a *lot* of Andie’s waitress rescue story.  Thank goodness for small pushes right when you need them, right?

Let me clear…I was *not* going to “cheat” with some cheap, funky Hershey chocolate.  I was starting to rationalize buying some more expensive, upper tier dark chocolate, though.  That, my friends, is a slippery slope.  I am *so* very thankful for that little pick-me-up when I least expected it!

This is such a rare occurance for me that I felt compelled to share with you all.  I rarely feel temptation knocking so hard.  I rarely find it difficult to say, “No thanks,” when sweets make an appearance somehow.  I am far too focused to waver every single time something creeps into my sight.  I would have failed long ago if that were the case.  However, every so often I do find weakness.  Luckily enough I often have someone (or something) to break through it without regret or shame waiting at the end.  For this I am also thankful.

After all, I am 4.8 pounds away from 100 pounds lost, folks.  No chocolate could possibly taste *that* good, right?  😉

How are you coping with Easter?  Are you going to allow yourself some wiggle room or stay firm in your resolve?


Forever Fat

I will be forever fat.  Not in the physical sense, of course, but in other ways.  I have to admit, though, that I am pretty okay with this revelation.  Let me tell you why:

Being fat for all of my adult life has changed me as a person.  I have experienced ridicule and judgment.  I have learned how quickly people dismiss others based on their weight (or other visible differences).  I have learned how cruel others can be, and how many assumptions they make instantly.  These are lessons I never want to forget.

I never want to forget how it feels to be sitting in the corner hoping no one else will notice I am the fattest girl in the room.  Maybe I will not be the fattest girl in the room anymore, but someone else will.  I am far more likely to notice this situation – and be in a position to change it – now.

I never want to forget how it feels to walk into a waiting room and realize there are no chairs without arms.  “My giant tush will not fit into any of the chairs provided,” I think.  I am far more likely to realize the bigger person leaned up against the wall is just embarrassed to even attempt to sit down (for fear of getting stuck).  I will be in a position to change that, too.

I never want to forget how it feels to be judged and pointed at, people whispering.  That hurts – more than those whispering people know.  I will be far more likely to put a stop to that kind of situation when I see it now.  No one should have to endure that.  No one.

I never want to forget what it is like to have my child’s doctor lecture me on how to feed my children healthy diets and ensure they are getting enough exercise.  My daughters are not overweight, nor have they ever been (or ever will be, as far as I am concerned).  The doctor just assumed I must feed them junk food all day long since I was fat.  Another snap assumption (completely wrong, by the way).

These (and other) experiences have taught me a lot throughout my adult life.  I never want to be one of “those” people.  I will carry with me my inner fat girl forever so that I never lose sight of these things.  I *will* be the one person in a room willing to talk anyone – regardless of their appearance (fat or otherwise).  I *will* teach my daughters how important it is to be non-judgmental of others – regardless of differences.  I *will* strive to make a difference in every person’s life I pass through.

Years of torture (both from others and myself) have really weighed on my mental status.  I firmly believe these experiences are why I am having such a difficult time seeing my “new” self in the mirror.  I still see fat – everywhere.  No one can understand how bizarre it is – unless they have experienced it.  The facts (scale, clothes, measuring tape, etc.) just do not line up with what my eyes see.  I wonder if they ever will.  Maybe not.  Maybe that is my mind’s way of ensuring I never lose sight of my former self, though.  Maybe that will be my constant reminder of how it felt to be fat.  Or maybe my mind is just too stubborn to let go of the only body I have known and embrace change.  Who knows.

Weight loss is certainly a *lot* more complex than just calories in and calories out.  I was not expecting this mental roller coaster – not even a little bit.  No one ever talks about how much emotion is released with every pound.  I cannot tell you how many times I have broken down in the gym, crying.  Not because I am sad, but just because sometimes it wells up inside with the adrenaline pumping and spills out onto the gym floor – without my permission.

So, as much as being fat has changed who I am as a person, losing this weight has changed me equally.  I am proud of who I have become.  I am proud of what accomplishments I have made.  Even if my eyes will forever see me as that fat girl.


Measuring Up

As part of my personal training contract, I get measured every so often.  This time Denise and I waited a little longer to measure (mostly my doing because I was so focused on other things).  I always get nervous about measuring – afraid somehow the numbers will go UP!

This round of measurements left me feeling excited and angry/frustrated at the same time.  Why must emotions be so complex?!  As you all know, I have been limited on my lower body workouts with this crazy knee malfunction.  That lack of really pushing those muscles showed up *crystal clear* in my measurements:

AREA – Starting / February / NOW
Neck – 14″ / 14″ / 13.5″
Shoulders – 54″ / 45.2″ / 41.5″
Arms – 19″ / 16.5″ / 15.8″
Bust – 54.5″ / 48.2″ / 46″
Natural Waist – 48″ / 35.5″ / 34″
Bellybutton – 52″ / 40″ / 39.5″
Hips – 58.75″ / 51″ / 50″
Thighs – 37.5″ / 27.7″ / 27.5″
Calves – 21″ / 18.2″ / 18″


Notice the trend?  All of my upper body measurements decreased pretty dramatically.  The lower body measurements barely moved.  That is clear evidence of not working them hard enough (or at all).

I have recently been cleared for squatting and lunging again, though.  So, you *know* I have been a squatting, lunging fool!  Next time I get measured, those lower body measurements *better* be lower!

Do you measure?  If so, how often do you measure?  Do you find measuring helps you see progress when the scale is refusing?

Oh – and my BMI has gone from 49.33 to 34.9, too.  That is pretty exciting!

Just one more thing…as you may (or may not) know, I graduated college back in January with a degree in business.  It was my intention to head back to school in June for a degree in graphic design.  I; however, have decided to change my major to health & wellness.  So, I will be starting school again on June 6th with the intention of becoming a personal trainer!  I am pretty stoked about this decision, and what it means for the rest of my life.

I have to take a minute to thank Denise.  Without her guidance, support, and encouragement I would not have come this far…and I doubt I would have realized just *how much* passion I have for fitness and health.  She is absolutely amazing, and I truly love and admire her.  It was her nudging that even got me thinking about becoming a personal trainer.  So, thanks, Denise!

8 weeks; 1 day
20.6 pounds

That means only 5.4 pounds to go to 100 pounds lost!  🙂