Finding Myself

This has been a crazy journey…and not a perfectly straight path either.  I have experienced highs and lows, successes and set-backs, joy and frustration…and so much more.  The funny thing is I have learned *so* much about myself in the process.  Things I, apparently, was not aware of before.  For example:

I have crazy discipline/will power.  My journey started a touch over eight months ago, and I can honestly say I have not “cheated” a single time.  I did have a *super small* piece of cake at both of my daughters’ birthday parties, but I did not consider that cheating, per se.  I planned ahead, ate *super tiny* pieces, and exercised my butt off following.  Even my trainer says my food journal looks bizarre without any random “bad” foods lurking about.

I have insane amounts of motivation and drive when I *really* want something.  I must admit I am bad with starting something and not finishing it.  I have always considered myself more an “idea” girl than a “follow-through” girl.  Fabulous ideas pop into my head *all* the time, but I rarely have the endurance to see those fabulous ideas all the way to the end.  I often get bored with things and just let them go.  The good thing about realizing this about myself is that I know when I come across something that *truly* moves me, I will have the “stick-to-it-iveness” to make something wonderful happen.

I am stubborn.  Really stubborn.  Nothing will get me going more than failing at something – especially something I see someone else doing perfectly.  If I falter or struggle with something, you better believe I am *too* stubborn to accept defeat!  I will keep working and keep failing until I get it right.  I will work myself to the point of exhaustion just to say, “I did it.  Finally.”  Denise has learned that about me, too.

I have passion for fitness.  This is something I *never* thought I would say, but it is true.  I absolutely *L*O*V*E* being at the gym.  Love it.  I spend hours, literally, at the gym when I go…and I love every second of it.  I love being around like-minded people – people who value health and fitness.  I also love observing other people doing crazy things and setting goals for myself based on what they are doing.  It motivates me to continue to push myself and step outside my circle of comfort to grow.

I might be an adrenaline junkie.  When I am really working hard, sweating, and feeling all my muscles working to their fullest potential (you know, when your muscles actually start trembling from the weight of your own body)…I have the biggest smile on my face.  When I feel my muscles burning, I want to push harder.  I *love* the way my body feels after I work the crap out of it…and I hardly ever want to stop.  Leaving the gym is the hardest part for me.

The longer I am on this journey, the more I love it.  I have met some amazing and wonderful people.  Inspiring spirits that really motivate me to be better.  Denise is definitely one of them.  I have mentioned before how awesome she is.  My life would not be the same without her in it.  Another is a more recent addition to my favorite people in the world: Aaron.  There is definitely something special about that guy.  He is one of the newer trainers at Fitworks, and I already love him.

The most exciting (and surprising) thing I have learned about myself so far is that I want fitness to be a permanent part of my life.  Not just in the sense that *I* want to work out for the rest of my life.  More so in the way that I want to *share* fitness with other people.  I want to help other people who are feeling how I felt when I started.  Feeling hopeless, like their lives will never change.  Like they are “destined” to be fat forever, regardless of their efforts.  I truly believed (before starting this journey) that I would spend the rest of my life over 300 pounds, and that there was nothing I could really do about it because I had tried *so* many times…and failed.

Meeting the right people changed my life…forever.  Something so small as one person genuinely believing in me is all it took.  One person.  Then it all snowballed from there.

Do you have someone inspiring/motivating in your life?  How instrumental do you think he/she/they have been to your successes and perserverance?


4 responses to “Finding Myself

  1. Great post, very motivational. I’ve had some of the same experiences and realizations over the past 10 years – in fact, they lead me to pursue my career as a personal trainer. From fattie to fitness freak!

    • Denise has been hinting (not so subtly either) around about me becoming a trainer when I get where I want to be. I think that would be an excellent job for me – especially at Fitworks because I love that place anyway – LOL. 😉


  2. It is awesome to think of how you can share your love of fitness with your kids – what a great gift!

    I’m so happy for you, and proud, too!

    • Thanks, Andie!
      It is a lot of fun to share this with my daughters. My younger one is not all that interested just yet, but my older daughter (seven) is all about learning and doing exercises with me. She is very fascinated by this whole “culture” of people at the gym. I think she can feel the energy when I take her there (they have a play area for children so parents can work out – which is awesome!).


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