Mindset: It’s a Funny Thing

I am also learning it requires constant supervision and maintenance.  See, I thought my mindset was golden a long time ago.  I thought to myself, “I have this and everything is under control.”  Apparently, I was wrong.  Your mindset is not something that stays constant.  It changes a little every day, which is not necessarily a bad thing…but it can be if you let it run wild.

I was at the gym yesterday with Denise.  She is actually the person that drew attention to my current mindset.  Here is how our conversation went (paraphrased, of course):

Denise: Okay, now I am going to have you do mountain climbers. {She then proceeded to show me what in the world mountain climbers are}
Me: Sure thing, Denise.  You know, this is exactly why I love working out with you.
Denise: {Puzzled look on her face} What do you mean?
Me: You look at me and think, “Sure, this fat girl can pull this off.”  I look at me and, well, that is not what I come up with.
Denise: {Now looking as though she wants to hit me a little…or a lot} What?!  Erica, you are not fat.  You have lost 60 pounds now, can’t you see the differences in yourself?  When I look at you I see *no* limitations.  None.  You can do anything I can throw at you, and you usually do.
Me: No, Denise.  I really cannot see the differences in myself.  Nor do I feel any different about my body.  I still see fat.  I still feel fat.  That is exactly why I love working out with you because you don’t.  You push me in ways I would not push myself because I would assume I couldn’t do it.
Denise: That is why I keep telling you to look at yourself in the mirror, Erica.  If you looked at yourself…I mean *really* looked…you would notice differences in yourself.  As long as you continue to avoid the mirror, you will probably never notice the differences in your own body.  How could you?  You don’t know what it looked like when you started, and you don’t know what it looks like now.

This conversation opened my mind a little in the way of how I *feel* about myself.  That, of course, is related to my mindset.  In my mind I am still (very much) a fat girl.  In my mind I am nothing but limitations.  In my mind nothing has changed.

I *hate* looking at myself in the mirror.  Hate it, and yes, I realize how strong of a word “hate” is.  In fact, I have *no* mirrors in my house that show anything below my shoulders.  Yes, I am serious.  I do not have a full length mirror anywhere in my house…or anything even close to a full length mirror.  If I am being completely honest…the biggest mirror in my entire house is the one on the front of the medicine cabinet in my bathroom.  Other than that, I have four decorative mirrors hanging fairly high in my dining room (and those are only about 1-foot square).

Apparently, my mindset is not as golden as I was leading myself to believe.  Now I understand there is more work to be done (lots more)…and I also understand that my work will likely never be “finished.”  I will need to maintain a healthy mindset over the course of my life because it will always be changing and evolving.

Looks like my first “assignment” to help this mindset along is to buy a full length mirror.  Sigh.  I am truly dreading this purchase.  I am not excited to look at this body up close and personal, but I am going to do it.

How do you combat negativity in your mindset?  Are you self aware when things start to go south or does someone else usually call attention to it for you?


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