Weigh Day (week twenty-four)

This is the very, very, very late edition of week twenty-four’s weigh in.  Sorry, folks.  I honestly did not intend to neglect you so through the holiday, but it happened.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday weekend.  My girlies were totally stoked since Santa went all out for them this year (thanks, Santa!) and got them both a new bike – complete with helmets and pads…among a million other things that Mom refuses to buy (like Play-Doh – LOL).

Anyway, onto weigh in for December 25th.  I weighed in at 249.4 on that morning, ladies and gents.  How excited was I that I hit the 240’s?  Well, let us just suffice it to say I was about as happy as my chicklets opening all their beautifully wrapped gifts.  That also means, of course, I successfully met my Christmas goal of 250…just barely, but I did make it!!!  My total for 24 weeks is 65.6 pounds.  Fabulous.

I behaved throughout the holiday weekend…completely.  I did not partake in any dessert (other than the fruit I brought to my mother’s parents’ house) and I did not eat anything I would not have eaten on any other day.  In fact, when I weighed this morning, I am already down from Sunday.  Not a whole lot because my gym schedule has been totally wonky since last Friday…but still down.

My next goal is 225 by 2/25 (my 30th birthday).  So, I have a little less than two months to kick it up and melt it off.  I have ~24 pounds to lose in 59 days to meet that goal.  Will I make it?  I certainly hope so, but I also realize that I may fall a little short.  After all, the weight cannot possibly keep coming off at the rate it has been…can it?  We shall see.

I am meeting with Denise tonight since our usual Sunday appointments are not possible (with Christmas and New Year’s falling on those days).  Here’s to another healthy butt-kicking from my amazing trainer.

How was your holiday?  Did you gain, lose, or maintain over this past weekend?

-Erica

Cryptically Malicious?

…and that is nothing like “magically delicious.”

Christmas is coming…which we all knew already, right?  Christmas, aside from the gift giving and celebration, is laden with food.  Especially desserts.  Lots of desserts.

I have read an abundance of posts from fellow bloggers about their holiday eating plans, and about the ridiculous amounts of food and desserts available throughout this season.  How does one stay focused and on track with so much temptation lurking around?

I was really quite relaxed about the whole thing until…

Each year we head to my mother’s parents’ house for Christmas.  The adults exchange gifts (which actually just migrated into an absurd exchange of gift certificates several years ago) while the children are corralled into a small space in the elegant home of my mother’s parents.  They, of course, are unable to actually touch anything since the pristine home is museum-like in many ways.  It is an uncomfortable gathering, and it has been for many years.  In light of this unbearably tense environment, everyone in the family stays pretty focused on eating/grazing.  After all, if you constantly have food in your mouth, no one can expect to have a conversation.

Traditionally, the entire family is divided by sisters (my mother and her four sisters) as far as food goes.  Their parents would provide the meat (usually a deli tray), and the rest of the meal gets divided up between the five sisters and brought in like a bizarre potluck.  This year is no different, with one tiny exception…

My mother and I are in charge of bringing dessert.  When she told me the news I about jumped through the roof.  Seriously.  My face immediately went red hot and I was saying all sorts of colorful words I will not share here.  Dessert.  Now, the whole family is well aware that I have lost 60+ pounds.  So, why ask *me* to bring dessert?  Is that being somewhat passive agressive?  I think so, personally.  Hence my cryptically malicious title.  I am livid.

In all the flustered chaos in my head, though, I am pretty sure I have developed a cryptically malicious counter attack.  Bring fruit…and nothing else.  So, this year the family will be gathered around the “buffet” on my mother’s parents counter top…in that crazy “picture perfect” kitchen where everyone is afraid to touch or use anything…with fruit as the “grand finale.”  They will be angry (and I am sure that is an understatement) and I will probably get asked at least two dozens times, “Where’s the *real* dessert?”  That is fine with me.

I bet I will not be in charge of dessert next year.

How are you planning to make it through the holiday food season?  Are you going to stick to your regularly scheduled programming or let things slide and have a free-for-all?

-Erica

Weigh Day (week twenty-three)

I know, I am a day late.  My yesterday was *busy* and I just never got around to posting, which made me sad.  So, here I am…first thing in the morning getting that together.

This week (the latter part of the week, anyway) I listened to your advice and added a little something into my daily consumption.  Actually, I only added one piece of fruit (either a pear or apple).  Amazingly, that  helped enough that I was no longer getting those hunger “attacks” throughout the day.  Awesome.

I also noticed that the scale was very cooperative after adding the fruit.  Thanks, scale.  So, this week I weighed in at exactly 252 pounds.  That is 2.2 pounds down from last week (and 63 pounds total), and that makes me happy.

Here are a couple other things about this week:
1. I am no longer in the “morbidly obese” category for BMI!
2. I have lost *exactly* 20% of my starting body weight!
3. I am only 2 pounds away from my Christmas goal weight of 250!
4. I have decided to set my “tentative goal” weight at 185*.

*I say tentative because I am not sure how I will look/feel at 185.  When I get there I will determine if I should/need to lose more weight.  Of course, 185 is not what the doctors say I should weigh, but I do not care much about that.  I will, instead, judge for myself based on body fat percentage, how I feel, and how I look.

With 185 set as my goal weight, that means I am just about half way there (48.5%) in only five months.  I would say I am not doing too shabby…if I do say so myself.

How did you determine what your goal weight was going to be?  Did you use the doctor’s charts as a guideline, or did you decide some other way?  Is *your* ideal/goal weight within the range the doctors say you should weigh for your height?

-Erica

Food…and Hunger

This hungry (probably starving, actually) little fella pretty much describes how I have been feeling lately.  The problem is, I cannot figure out why in the world I am feeling so hungry!

As my weight continues to decrease, my alloted calories also decrease…so why is my appetite increasing?  I am more hungry now than when I first started eating better (which meant eating less, of course).

The hunger is making me nervous.  I find that if I try to ignore it (meaning keeping myself occupied with something else) it just gets worse.  My stomach starts growling – out loud, mind you – to the point where other people in the room can hear it, easily.  This is not “emotional” hunger either…I have learned to tell the difference.  This hunger is coming on at random times throughout the day/night.  My emotional hunger usually popped up only when I was bored, lonely, upset, angry, etc.  Also, my emotional hunger did not cause my stomach to roar out loud (of course, because my body was not genuinely hungry).

So, what in the world do I do now?  I am afraid if I start eating more the weight will stop coming off.  On the other hand, though, I cannot allow myself to stay this hungry all the time, right?  Allowing myself to remain hungry (if my body genuinely needs more food) will also be counter-productive to weight loss.  Frustrating.  Really.

For those of you out there who may have experienced this before…or just generally know what you are talking about…what do I do now?  Do I increase the food intake?  If so, what should I increase?  Only fruits and veggies, protein…all of it?  Help, please.

-Erica

My Mind = BLOWN

Just fair warning…this is going to be a really *brief* post because I am exhausted, but I just could not *wait* to get this out!

So, apparently I am somewhat of a local celeb at my gym (crazy, believe me).  I am on this giant chalkboard as soon as you walk into the gym and check in at reception.  In bright and bold (giant – did I mention that already?) letters it says something to this effect:

“Erica Rooks has lost 56 pounds and 48.75″ in 20 weeks!”

Well, that was put up two weeks ago now.  So, Gwen wanted to check my measurements and update the board.  That was all fine with me, but you know what?  I was *not* expecting this:

“Erica Rooks has lost 62 pounds and 65.25″ in 22 weeks!”

Can you believe that?  Another 16.5″ GONE from my body!  Sixty-five and a quarter inches total…insane.  Truly.  I cannot even fathom that…my little mind is just cranking away trying to wrap myself around that.  That is more inches lost than I am tall (did you follow that?).

I have to admit, though, it made me work so hard with Denise tonight.  I cannot wait to see how much further I will have traveled in another month…another six months…this time next year.  My head is up and I am looking straight ahead, and for once I am excited about what the future holds.

Was your day as awesome as mine?

-Erica

Mindset: It’s a Funny Thing

I am also learning it requires constant supervision and maintenance.  See, I thought my mindset was golden a long time ago.  I thought to myself, “I have this and everything is under control.”  Apparently, I was wrong.  Your mindset is not something that stays constant.  It changes a little every day, which is not necessarily a bad thing…but it can be if you let it run wild.

I was at the gym yesterday with Denise.  She is actually the person that drew attention to my current mindset.  Here is how our conversation went (paraphrased, of course):

Denise: Okay, now I am going to have you do mountain climbers. {She then proceeded to show me what in the world mountain climbers are}
Me: Sure thing, Denise.  You know, this is exactly why I love working out with you.
Denise: {Puzzled look on her face} What do you mean?
Me: You look at me and think, “Sure, this fat girl can pull this off.”  I look at me and, well, that is not what I come up with.
Denise: {Now looking as though she wants to hit me a little…or a lot} What?!  Erica, you are not fat.  You have lost 60 pounds now, can’t you see the differences in yourself?  When I look at you I see *no* limitations.  None.  You can do anything I can throw at you, and you usually do.
Me: No, Denise.  I really cannot see the differences in myself.  Nor do I feel any different about my body.  I still see fat.  I still feel fat.  That is exactly why I love working out with you because you don’t.  You push me in ways I would not push myself because I would assume I couldn’t do it.
Denise: That is why I keep telling you to look at yourself in the mirror, Erica.  If you looked at yourself…I mean *really* looked…you would notice differences in yourself.  As long as you continue to avoid the mirror, you will probably never notice the differences in your own body.  How could you?  You don’t know what it looked like when you started, and you don’t know what it looks like now.

This conversation opened my mind a little in the way of how I *feel* about myself.  That, of course, is related to my mindset.  In my mind I am still (very much) a fat girl.  In my mind I am nothing but limitations.  In my mind nothing has changed.

I *hate* looking at myself in the mirror.  Hate it, and yes, I realize how strong of a word “hate” is.  In fact, I have *no* mirrors in my house that show anything below my shoulders.  Yes, I am serious.  I do not have a full length mirror anywhere in my house…or anything even close to a full length mirror.  If I am being completely honest…the biggest mirror in my entire house is the one on the front of the medicine cabinet in my bathroom.  Other than that, I have four decorative mirrors hanging fairly high in my dining room (and those are only about 1-foot square).

Apparently, my mindset is not as golden as I was leading myself to believe.  Now I understand there is more work to be done (lots more)…and I also understand that my work will likely never be “finished.”  I will need to maintain a healthy mindset over the course of my life because it will always be changing and evolving.

Looks like my first “assignment” to help this mindset along is to buy a full length mirror.  Sigh.  I am truly dreading this purchase.  I am not excited to look at this body up close and personal, but I am going to do it.

How do you combat negativity in your mindset?  Are you self aware when things start to go south or does someone else usually call attention to it for you?

-Erica

A Little to the Left…

This post may be *slightly* off topic from the normal around here, but I think it is worth sharing.  During my journey to a healthier me I have considered other things besides just my food consumption and energy output.  I have also considered the products around my household…chemicals.  These are things I really have not given much thought to before now.  I find, though, that as I begin to take better care of myself I am starting to question what other things affect me.

This soap smells good enough to eat...seriously.

I am a fairly simply girl.  I do not have an inventory of cosmetics and skin care items lurking about in the bathroom.  I have never been one to “pamper” myself in that way.  However, each winter my skin becomes a horrid mess – especially my hands.  I work with paper – a lot – which sucks nearly all the moisture right out of my skin.  I am also obsessive about washing my hands (not in a bad way, though) and that does not help the dry, cracked hand situation.  In actuality, my whole body becomes dry and flaky throughout the winter months.

This stuff smells *amazing* and is sitting in a dish on my bathroom sink right now. I think I may need to wash my hands again...soon.

A few weeks ago my bestie (aka best friend, Leslie) and I were out and about perusing the mall – just “window” shopping.  We stumbled across this little “boutique” inside of Macy*s in Kenwood Towne Center.  Lush.  How luxurious, I thought.  The smell overtook me as we inched closer.  Amazing.  So, we started browsing…smelling…and sharing things as we discovered them.  This kind of purchase is categorized under “splurging” in my head, though, so I went about my way…with a couple samples from the super nice gal hanging out behind the counter.

My bathroom has never smelled so good...my water has never been silkier...my skin has never felt better.

The bestie and I could not stop talking about all the cool stuff we discovered…and how great it smelled.  When I got home that night, I immediately looked up the website and started reading.  Fascinating.  To read what I read, go here.  Their beliefs really resonated with me, which made it even harder for me to forget what I smelled there.

Solid shampoo...have you ever heard of such a thing? This baby lathers better than my whole bottle of "regular" shampoo - and I am not kidding. Smells delish, too!

I am sure you can see where this is going, right?  I went back.  I bought stuff.  I am in love.  Not only did I buy goodies for myself, I also bought goodies for my bestie (which I do not believe has found my blog…thank goodness right now).  I cannot wait to give them to her for Christmas.

I will be going back for more goodies…very soon.  If you have an opportunity to visit a Lush boutique near you, you should. 

This is going to be my next purchase. The gal showed this to me while I was there, but I already had enough in my hands...which I am regretting now, of course. She uses this to shave because the lather is *so* rich and creamy. Amazing.

Everything smells amazing (except the one solid shampoo that is meant for dandruff…actually that stuff smells awful, on purpose apparently) and makes me feel amazing.

I bought some additional things for my bestie, which I did not highlight here (just in case she happens to stumble upon my blog…cause that’s how my life is right now).  Seriously, though, if you have an opportunity to visit a Lush boutique near you – do it!  You will thank me for it later…or not depending on how much you spend.  🙂

-Erica

Weigh Day (week twenty-two)

This is a continuity that I am thankful for right now…each Sunday I get to weigh in and check my progress.  Over the last two weeks or so all my continuity went *right* out the window.  The interesting thing is I never really considered myself to be a “scheduled” kind of person.  I always thought of myself as a “go-with-the-flow” kind of gal.  Apparently not.  Not anymore, anyway.

Let us just suffice it to say the last two or so weeks have been chaos.  Purely.  My life was completely flipped upside down and it was all I could do to hold on tight and hope it would straighten out quickly.  While my life is not back to normal completely, it appears as though it is getting there.  Finally.

My younger daughter’s birthday party was last Sunday, which meant I ended up canceling my appointment with Denise (trainer).  I had every intention of going to see her that day, but my stress levels were on the rise and things just were not getting accomplished.  So, I had to sacrifice the time away and prepare for the party.  Big mistake.

Monday night (another regular gym night) I ended up having one of my stupid seizures.  This, of course, prevented me from going to the gym.  Dorsey (boss of the trainers) told me several times that if I showed up at the gym after having a seizure he would personally run me out.  That whole, “Listen to your body” thing again.  Sigh.

Tuesday night is not a normal gym night, but I was dying to go.  It had been since Friday, and my body could tell that something was up.  I went by myself and did my entire arms/abs routine.  Going by myself means the routine is done *much* quicker.  Surprisingly so, in fact.  The biggest “hitch;” however, was that the elliptical machines were in the path of an industrial fan blowing on high.  I did not break a sweat.  I started to, but then the fan just dried it all up and kept me cool.  At the time I did not think much of it, but apparently that is not great for weight loss.

Wednesday I was back to the gym (a normal night), but we ended up going so late that I just did not have time for cardio after.  It was a little after 8:00 and my girlies needed to go to bed.  So, needless to say I left the gym a little grumpier than expected.

Friday, back to the gym, and no giant industrial fan on the elliptical machines.  I sweat so much I could wring out my shirt after (had I really wanted to…which I did not).  It was glorious.  I felt amazing.

All my emotional baggage and lack of normal gym routine showed up on the scales this morning.  In a big way.  I should mention that my food consumption did not change under the pressure and stress, which I am elated about.  Truly.  The “old” me would have taken the messed up gym routine and stress as a clear sign I should be eating whatever I wanted – and in mass quantity.  What a victory that was in itself.  (Fellow food addicts can understand that one)

So, how did weigh in go, you ask?  Well, I am down this week, which I guess should make me happy…although I am not.  254.2 on the scale this morning.  Exactly *one* pound down from last week.  Yes, one pound is one pound, but when I have been consistently losing two, three, or more pounds each week, a one-pound week feels a little similar to nothing.

Instead of focusing on my dreary one-pound loss for the week, though…it does bring about something pretty exciting.  As of this morning I have lost 60.8 pounds total.  In 22 weeks.  That is certainly nothing to be upset about…not in the least.  In fact, I am quite happy with that kind of progress.  How could I not be?

In another arena…I have several posts on the burners here.  So, be on the lookout for an increase in communication.  I have missed writing tremendously.  It motivates me not only to type it out, but to hear the encouraging and helpful words from all of you…and the advice certainly does not hurt.  🙂

How do you cope when your routine is interrupted?  Do you find yourself engulfed in a moment of weakness with food in your hand?

-Erica

Weigh Day (week twenty-one)

This week’s post is going to be short and sweet.  A lot has been going on here, and so I have not had as much time to blog (which kinda bums me out, honestly).  I hope to be back with a full update and new info by Tuesday…so hang in there!

This morning I weighed in at 255.2, which is a 3.2 pound loss for the week (awesome!).  That brings my total to 59.8 pounds in 21 weeks.  I am beside myself…really.

How did your week go?

-Erica