So, over the last few days I have really been struggling with the changes my body is going through. Apparently, I am not alone. Of course, everyone struggles with different aspects of change, and everyone handles these struggles differently.
I regret not having pictures of myself when I began my journey 50+ pounds ago. However, I am making a promise to myself that I will begin taking pictures from here on out (if nothing else, for comparison purposes…and to avoid this strange “disconnect” I am experiencing now).
Years ago I purchased a really fabulous (and huge) pair of brown corduroy pants. They were wide legged and comfy. When I first bought them they fit perfectly. Over the years; however, I “grew” out of them. I could usually still get them up, but to button them was a challenging task.
These pants were in my “must get rid of” pile in my dining room right now. I have already “purged” two sets of clothes before this group. That is one thing I promised myself early in the game: I would *not* hold on to my “fat” clothes “just in case” because this time there would be *NO* turning back/giving up. No way.
So, today I decided to take pictures of myself in these former favorite pants:
Yes, that is *two* arms in those pants with me. Without the crotch, the waist in these pants *might* just fit over my shoulders!
As if that was not crazy enough for me:
I would say they are substantially bigger than me now, which is why they were to be given/thrown away.
I also feel compelled to mention that these were *not* my largest pair of pants. These are a size 24. I already purged all my 26 and 28 pants. So, I cannot even imagine what *those* would look like on me now! I might actually hang on to these cords now. Not “just in case,” but for these purposes. As I lose more weight, I might enjoy seeing both of my legs fit into one pant leg of these (which is not all that far away – I tried today).
This is certainly undeniable proof of progress. Maybe if I stare at these pictures long enough it will sink in. 🙂
-Erica
A Food Addict - by Rooks Fitness 
totally understand. I can’t see it until I look back and compare. I know people don’t understand that, but if I saw myself as big as I was I could not have gone outside. Love the photos! 😀 Thanks for the shout out.
Strange thing for me is that I actually feel *more* fat now that I have lost weight than when I did at 315. I *think* it is because my body image is always in the forefront of my mind now (since I am actively working on it). When I was at my heaviest, I just did not think about my body…I was usually too busy thinking about food, or eating it. LOL
-Erica
It is interesting to read of the disconnect you have with your body – would never have thought that you would have to get used to a thinner you. Yhank you for sharing – and congratulations on needing to get rid of your favourite pants.
To be honest, I never thought I would experience this either. I just figured I would be happy, happy, happy. Not that I am not happy, but some days it is a struggle to *feel* successful when I still *feel* so fat. Logically speaking, I know the changes are happening, but that logic (and all the proof) does not seem to help the way I *feel* about it. It’s honestly quite strange – even for me.
-Erica